A.M. Shuffle, where sometimes you get stuck with LMFAO’s “Party Rock Anthem”

Getting the day’s writing engine going with a little freeform free-association about whatever song pops up next on shuffle. Today’s tune: LMFAO’s “Party Rock Anthem.” Wait, really? Crap.

Key lyric: “Party rock is in the house tonight/ Everybody just have a good time.”

First off: sorry for this one, folks. Sometimes the ol’ shuffle function brings up a clunker, like it did today, and we have to roll with it. (Ah, but why is LMFAO in my music collection in the first place? Hang on, we’ll get to that.)

Now, to the song itself. “Party Rock Anthem” is a hot dog of a song, which is to say it was assembled from other, equally distasteful parts into some kind of barely-held-together whole that at least vaguely resembles music but has zero nutritional value. It does what it’s supposed to, which is drop that pounding 130-beats-per-minute beat and get asses shakin’. Beyond that, anything else we get is a bonus. (Spoiler: we don’t get anything else.)

Go ahead and listen to it. Seriously. Click play above and listen. This “anthem” has the absolute worst inspirational message I’ve ever heard: “Everybody just have a good time.” YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO TELL US HOW TO HAVE THAT GOOD TIME, LMFAO. Jeez. Did you guys learn NOTHING from Braveheart? WE CAN DO NOTHING WITHOUT YOUR GUIDANCE.

There’s a vaguely Madonna-esque affected-British-accented “shake that” sample, and an “every day I’m shufflin'” one, and some skritchy melody that sounds like Jimmy Page throwing a cat at a Mellotron. The whole effect is about as memorable as an Airhead candy bar. But hey, good on LMFAO for hitting the rhythmic sweet spot here; their next CD damn well better be titled “All the Way to the Damn Bank.”

Now, as for why I have this and select other 2010s-era dance songs in my collection: my kids do swim team. I have found that the easiest way to contribute to swim team without doing any actual work is to play DJ and throw on some sweet beats for the assembled swimmers and their families. (Hey, LMFAO and I have something in common after all!) And while I do throw on the occasional “Sabotage” or “Kickstart My Heart” to get my fellow dads rocking, I have to bring some of the kids’ music too. Hence this, and the Rihanna/Katy Perry/Nicki Minaj that pops up on the ol’ shuffle at inopportune times. So there you go.

All right, y’all are on your own. I’m going to go just have a good time, as I was told to do.

Jay

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