Axl Rose, you never stop entertaining me

I make no secret of my love for late-80s hard rock/heavy metal. Metallica, Van Halen … this is mother’s milk. But above all stands Guns n’ Roses, and I’ll beat you with your Arcade Fire-stuffed ipod if you dare mock them.

Check that. If you mock their music. Because oh, Axl … time, she’s a bitch:

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Seeing Axl in some kind of stone-faded jacket and jeans with too-long hair … man, it’s like looking at your mom’s Facebook page. Painful in a time-marches-on way that you can’t completely verbalize.

Oh, but it could have been worse. Let’s take a look, shall we? First, from earlier this year:

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Whew. Knockin’ on heaven’s door and asking for thirds, apparently. Next, there’s this …

a1017axl5Yeah, that’s about the time that he stopped going shirtless. Hey, it happens to the best of us. Still, it wasn’t as ridiculous as this one:

a1017axl2Damn, that’s some fine-ass cheese! (And some fine-ass ass, too.) I’d think that was satire, except that Rose didn’t ever do anything other than imply that he was being completely straight here. (Best part: the “In Da House” brass knuckles. No, wait, the rhinestone AK-47. No, the over-Botoxed “even I don’t believe I’m doing this” expression on his face. This is the photo that keeps on giving!)

Ah, Axl. Would that we could go back to the good ol’ days…

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On second thought … that first photo is the best of the bunch. Tell you what, Axl … we’ll roll with your consistently five-years-behind-the-times looks. Just stop asking us to feel your serpentine, okay?

Jay

One Response to “Axl Rose, you never stop entertaining me

  • Richmeister
    ago6 years

    Too bad he couldn’t follow the Mick and Keith diet plan . . .

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