Axl Rose, you never stop entertaining me

I make no secret of my love for late-80s hard rock/heavy metal. Metallica, Van Halen … this is mother’s milk. But above all stands Guns n’ Roses, and I’ll beat you with your Arcade Fire-stuffed ipod if you dare mock them.

Check that. If you mock their music. Because oh, Axl … time, she’s a bitch:


Seeing Axl in some kind of stone-faded jacket and jeans with too-long hair … man, it’s like looking at your mom’s Facebook page. Painful in a time-marches-on way that you can’t completely verbalize.

Oh, but it could have been worse. Let’s take a look, shall we? First, from earlier this year:


Whew. Knockin’ on heaven’s door and asking for thirds, apparently. Next, there’s this …

a1017axl5Yeah, that’s about the time that he stopped going shirtless. Hey, it happens to the best of us. Still, it wasn’t as ridiculous as this one:

a1017axl2Damn, that’s some fine-ass cheese! (And some fine-ass ass, too.) I’d think that was satire, except that Rose didn’t ever do anything other than imply that he was being completely straight here. (Best part: the “In Da House” brass knuckles. No, wait, the rhinestone AK-47. No, the over-Botoxed “even I don’t believe I’m doing this” expression on his face. This is the photo that keeps on giving!)

Ah, Axl. Would that we could go back to the good ol’ days…


On second thought … that first photo is the best of the bunch. Tell you what, Axl … we’ll roll with your consistently five-years-behind-the-times looks. Just stop asking us to feel your serpentine, okay?


One Response to “Axl Rose, you never stop entertaining me

  • Richmeister
    ago6 years

    Too bad he couldn’t follow the Mick and Keith diet plan . . .

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